Posts Tagged ‘fail’

Crom, what was I thinking?

April 1, 2010 9 comments

The Betty to my Barney Rubble totally scored some fresh strawberries today. The idea hit me, to use it and the berries and make some fantastic primal dessert. The gears started turning. I settled on drying it and forging trail mix of sorts. Strawberries, bananas, and the mother eff of all food items. I was excited upon purchasing it. I even double checked to make sure the grocer bagged it. I carted it home and stored it with rest of the loot. I eyeballed it all week, wondering. Will it be good? This DAMN coconut.

I thought it was going to be easy, the tag had instructions even. So I set out at step one, poke a hole in the soft eye. Easy enough, I grabbed my screwdriver and poked it. Very easy, very Grok. Grok poke. Done. Step two, drain. I grabbed a bowl and flipped the hairy shell over and watched the semi clear liquid pour into the bowl. My excitement grew, I set the shell down and grabbed the bowl and took a big gulp, all the real cavefolks do it, all the Gilligans do it, Tom Hanks did it. I did it. Not too shabby, not what I expected but not shabby. My thoughts turned to all the survival stories and films I’ve seen where the milk from the coconut was the giver of life. Now I knew what it tasted like.

Here in front of me the shell, only poked and drained. Step three called, this was the good part, breaking stuff! I took it outside, straight to a rock. Hurled it up over my head and drove it down to the stone. I have to add a week of stress came down on that stone too. Grok smash!!!! Felt great.

I stared at at the pieces of the shattered shell. Now what? That bounced around in the head for a minute or two and I took the pieces back inside. First things first, I grabbed a knife, what Grok wouldn’t, and started slicing the fleshy meat off the shell. I know some folks are all into bloodletting and stuff but this Grok isn’t. It was getting clearer by the slice that the amount of flesh from the coconut could easily get to be the same as the amount off my hand. Grok no like. So I took a sample of what little I did manage to get off and it was good, very good. Not too sweet and for damn sure not from a plastic bag. I will give props to plastic, however. Getting the meat out of that sucker is a chore. I used a spoon and got some out. I used a knife. I used a screwdriver. I didn’t use a wiffle ball bat. I fail to mention the 20-30 minute breaks between each different tool while I pondered my next move. I tweeted pics in vain for help. I finally threadcrapped a #realfood Twitter chat and was basically told to keep banging my head into the wall 🙂 Many thanks to the souls who reached out of their community to help a lowly Grok. It was then I knew I wasn’t alone; coconuts are wicked. Wicked good but wicked evil. The friendly Miss Shhosh suggested a trip to man did this pay off. A preheat of the oven to 350 and 15 minutes later voila. Some bits were toasty. Those bits are awesome.

At any rate now the spoon was the weapon of choice. Big chunks of fresh coconut came off easily and cleanly.

Now that the meat is in a form I can work with that fantastic primal dessert I was thinking about can get underway. Many thanks to the #realfood folks for welcoming me and helping me. It’s safe to say it’ll be a minute before I do anything with a whole coconut again. At bare minimum a little insight into working for a meal was gained, any thing learned through work is a blessing IMHO. Take a moment and hit up YummyGatherer and Kat’s Food Blog both are excellent resources for primal paleo foods.