For the fringe foodies out there I offer the following, a processed snack or meal depending on your taste. I’m sure it can be made more dogma legal and by all means go for it. Nightshades taste good to me. Here’s how to weaponize them to use against haters from all sects.
You will need:
6-8 strips of bacon
1 block of Neufchatel/Cream cheese at room temp
6-8 good size jalapeno peppers
Smoked sausage (optional)
I like to bake my bacon in the oven, cover a pan with foil and lay out the bacon. Put it in the oven at 375 for about 20 minutes, you should be able to tell if it is ready.
While the bacon is cooking wash and pop the cap on your jalapenos.
Carefully remove the inside of the pepper and the seeds. Do not rub your eyes unless you like pain, then go ahead.
Once you get them cored, set them aside for a few minutes and wait for this bacon to get done.
Take your bacon out of the oven when it’s done. It should appear as shown.
Using your bare hands crumble it to bits. Put the bacon bits in a bowl with the cheese, I added some bacon grease for good measure.
Mix it together until it’s a pretty even mixture.
Grab some smoked sausage if you want, this is optional but tasty. Slice a piece for each pepper you have.
Next we want to slice the peppers down one side and put some of the cheese and bacon into each one, then plug the hole with some sausage, like so.
Once that is done put the stuffed peppers in the oven until they get roasted up real nice. I did 375 for about 15 minutes. I also used the same pan I cooked the bacon in. The sausage is a good timer also, when it’s ready the whole thing should be ready.
Now you have a great snack or meal that you can enjoy if your dogma allows it. In a pinch these can be used as bullets against wicked vegans or nightshade hating paleonazis and should provide ample knockdown at range. NOTE: I used a Motorola Xoom powered by Android Honeycomb to get these pictures.
Holidays. Sprinkles and flour are all over our house to be ready for the visitors. It’s wearing on my willpower. To combat the sugar insurgents I figured I’d make a run on a candy I could eat without violating the paleo/primal way. I’ve seen this and decided to try a variant out. I give you my take on Almond Joy (yes they look like poop).
You’ll need a 2 bags of unsweetened coconut flakes.
A bag of almond slivers, whole almonds will work but slivers are more fancy, it IS the holidays. People like fancy.
Some coconut oil.
Chocolate Almond Bark. Due to short notice this is the least paleo/primal bit but there isn’t a ton in it and so what, chocolate is OK you dogma riders.
In a bowl place your coconut, almonds, dates, melted oil. Toss.
Melt the “almond bark” in the microwave, Grok used the sun. They are both radiation. Add a little to the mix and toss.
Add a little more, we are adding until we can stick all this together. Chocolate glue. Once you get the right “feel” roll it up into balls, if you have a tool fine. I used my hands.
They turned out pretty good if I do say so myself. I know I can get this closer to 90% with better planning. Enjoy
At last. I have scored a source for local grass fed beef and pastured chickens. I can get serious about gaining a primal level now. Level 10 Primal Thetan here I come.
For my first cooking session I decided to do a meatloaf. It’s an easy tasty recipe and should serve up nicely with my grass fed ground beef.
You’ll need a pound of grass fed ground beef, a couple of eggs, some almond flower, and whatever seasoning you like. We used some Cavenders and minced garlic. A metal bowl is handy as well along with some foil and glass loaf pan. I’m sure a metal pan will work fine.
In a bowl place your meat.
Add 2 eggs, I’d say these are optional but mom did it so you should too.
Next up, the almond meal and seasonings. I used a handful of almond meal and eyeballed the rest as any man would do.
Get in there with your hands and mix it.
Place the meat in a foil lined dish in the fashion of a loaf.
Put the dish in the stove at 375 degrees for around 45 minutes. For the last 15 I put some onion rings on top.
Of course the traditional topping is ketchup, I opted to use it as a condiment and keep it on the side.
It’s tough to avoid the sweets around the holidays. Sweets are good but from the wrong place they can wreck your day. Here is a great way to get the fix from a safe source. Apples, specifically dried apples.
For this you will need some apples (I like Granny Smith sour ones), a sharp knife and peeler, some lemon juice, and a dehydrator.
A sharp knife is required, be safe.
Peel the apples, this is optional, I read the skin gets tough so you may not like that.
Once peeled, you need to core and slice. I’m not a pro so the core objective was failed, however I can slice.
Once the apples are sliced to your liking you will need to mix up some lemon juice and water to provide the sliced apples a soak. This is optional and will help keep the fruit from turning brown. The accounts I read suggested a 3-5 minute soak.
After the soak place them in your dehydrator.
After 4-5 hours they’ll look like this and feel leathery. I had some thicker than others and those were softer, the thinner ones were crispier.
They taste better than Jolly Ranchers.
Ribs. They are tasty. Here is a quick method for fall off the bone goodness. In a large boiler add salt and garlic bring to a boil.
On the skinny side of your ribs you can see a clear film, get under it and rip it off.
Put your ribs in the boil, I do it in a rolling boil for about 15 minutes then cut the heat and let them go for 45 minutes to an hour. This cooks the meat and gets it tender.
After they boil for about an hour go ahead and fire the grill, get any rub you like or BBQ sauce ready. I chose to keep mine sauceless, the wife likes the BBQ on it. Baste the ribs while they grill at around 350 F, if you like that. In my opinion slow cooked pork needs very little added but many love the messy sauces and dry rubs. I didn’t have any #primal rub so I skipped it.
Brother swine. Thank you again.
As a kid I hated meatloaf but as I grew up my taste has changed. It is one of my favorites and very primal.
You’ll need a couple pounds of ground chuck, onions, seasonings, and an egg.
I had organic onions and I like red and white ones so I diced up those for this. I also had organic eggs. We wanted sweet potatoes so I bought a few organic ones as well.
It’s pretty easy to make, in a bowl put your meat, diced onions, and spices, and the egg and get in there with your hands and mix it all up. My spices were salt and pepper and some minced garlic, simple basic is always better.
My mom gave us a some canned green snap beans, it is one of our sides.
Line your pan with foil for easy cleanup and put your meat in it like so.
Into the oven at 350 F, for an hour should get you ready. We allowed our sweet potatoes to ride with the meatloaf.
We topped it with the lesser of the evil ketchups.
The finished product was excellent and I can’t wait for leftovers, they will be better, it’s the law.
The following is not 100% #primal or #paleo but it is tasty and can be made easily.
You will need:
4 thick cut pork chops
glass of apple juice (100% natural if possible)
shot glass of honey
2-3 shots of bourbon
2-3 teaspoons of minced garlic
Put all your ingredients in a bowl and stir it up to dissolve the honey.
I like to score my meat before marinating, just a few quick slices with a blade like so:
Sink the meat in the drink and go have a drink.
Put the chops on a grill that is about 350 F.
10 or so minutes later flip them and baste them with leftover marinade.
Another 10 minutes or so, when they done to your liking, remove them and let them rest.
At this point you are done, I served mine with purple hull peas and jalapenos. It’s a bit down home but tasty.