Slaughtered by a female with primitive weapons, this tenderloin is prepared to fuel my unborn child.

Slaughtered by a female with primitive weapons, this tenderloin is prepared to fuel my unborn child. It’s important to build Roo with the best I can find. My dear neighbor gave us this meat and for this I thank her.

Venison tenderloin, medallion cut.

Venison Tenderloin Medallions

Soak in milk for a half hour to mute the wild taste.

Milk Bath

Remove from milk bath and place in ziploc bag with red wine vinegar for an hour.

Red Wine Vinegar

Medallions in Vinegar Bath

In a cast iron skillet, melt butter in olive oil on a medium heat.

Cast Iron, Olive Oil, Butter

Add medallions, keeping an eye on them until the blood cooks out, tenderloin doesn’t need much cooking, be careful.

Into the Fire

Juices Are Key Timers

When the meat is done, add some onions and gravy mix to the love in pan, make the gravy as thick or thin as you like.

Love

Gravy In Love

Serve on white rice, eat and enjoy, slap a momma.

Float It On White Rice

Faileo #Paleo

I tried to make banana pancakes. They sucked.

Banana Pancake Fixings

I opted for a better breakfast.

Bacon and Eggs

My #Nothing Smoothie Brings Errbody to the Yard.

I’m not a smoothie kind of guy but my smoothie is way more #paleo #primal than ANY of the other smoothies out there. Through advanced scientific research I’ve removed the very un paleo layer of processing in typical smoothies. With that neolithic layer of processing removed we can advance some more science by letting your own body do the processing thereby infusing the food with #nadatology. This astounding breakthrough in #nadatology is being made available to EVERY PERSON for FREE. Here’s how you can get in on this next generation advanced offer:

1. Put what you want to eat in your mouth and chew it. In this case our research team used organic spring mix, gluten free fajita beef, diced pickled jalapenos, and some extra sharp cheddar.

2. Swallow

3. Wait for the scientific miracle of #nadatology to occur, 6-10 hours is the typical time it takes for the #nadatology to work its melonfarming wicked sorcery.

Here is the before:

I’ll post the after upon request, to get the best possible smoothie you really just need to let #nadatology do the work for you. Unnecessary straining isn’t suggested and can alter the output. You can’t rush good science, people.

Vampires can be pigs too.

Here’s a twist on “vampire chicken” a tasty dish by itself. This one uses a pork tenderloin. Pretty simple and pretty good.

To start take your tenderloin and give it a quick browning on all sides. I used some coconut oil on a medium heat.

 

Once you get a little color on the flesh you can move it to the slow cooker.

 

In the slow cooker I put a half cup of water, a bit of salt, and some diced garlic. The amounts are scientific and must be followed exactly.

 

 

Flip the loin over, fat side down. Grab a knife with your bare hands and slice that sucker open. Grok is down with violence, so I hear.

 

Now that your victim is open to suggestion, put some garlic in the wounds.

 

Place the loin in the slow cooker fat side up.

 

Cover it and let it roll. About 8 hours later the fat should split or crack. This means it is done.

 

Remove from the slow cooker and enjoy.

 

Game On.

My lovely neighbor bagged me a deer a couple weeks back. This chick is badass and one you want on your side in the Apocalypse. She took this one with a muzzleloader so it’s more primal than the other neolithic weapons. I guess that makes me a paleo bitch as I did not stalk it and rip the throat out with my teeth AND had a woman do it for me. Either way I made out like a bandit and am seriously stoked to feed my wife this animal to help build my child. It will be an honor to do this.

It’s been processed at a local shop so it’s not 100% paleo anymore. I guess you nazis can stop reading, but if you are anti dogma please continue and take a look at the haul.

The Haul

Tasty Steaks

Glorious Tenderloin

My loaf and chili will defeat yours.

Deadly Nightshades.

For the fringe foodies out there I offer the following, a processed snack or meal depending on your taste. I’m sure it can be made more dogma legal and by all means go for it. Nightshades taste good to me. Here’s how to weaponize them to use against haters from all sects.

You will need:

6-8 strips of bacon

1 block of Neufchatel/Cream cheese at room temp

6-8 good size jalapeno peppers

Smoked sausage (optional)

Knife

I like to bake my bacon in the oven, cover a pan with foil and lay out the bacon. Put it in the oven at 375 for about 20 minutes, you should be able to tell if it is ready.

While the bacon is cooking wash and pop the cap on your jalapenos.

Carefully remove the inside of the pepper and the seeds. Do not rub your eyes unless you like pain, then go ahead.

Once you get them cored, set them aside for a few minutes and wait for this bacon to get done.

Take your bacon out of the oven when it’s done. It should appear as shown.

Using your bare hands crumble it to bits. Put the bacon bits in a bowl with the cheese, I added some bacon grease for good measure.

Mix it together until it’s a pretty even mixture.

Grab some smoked sausage if you want, this is optional but tasty. Slice a piece for each pepper you have.

Next we want to slice the peppers down one side and put some of the cheese and bacon into each one, then plug the hole with some sausage, like so.

Once that is done put the stuffed peppers in the oven until they get roasted up real nice. I did 375 for about 15 minutes. I also used the same pan I cooked the bacon in. The sausage is a good timer also, when it’s ready the whole thing should be ready.

Now you have a great snack or meal that you can enjoy if your dogma allows it. In a pinch these can be used as bullets against wicked vegans or nightshade hating paleonazis and should provide ample knockdown at range. NOTE: I used a Motorola Xoom powered by Android Honeycomb to get these pictures.

Beef and Guacamole. Piles.

Soul Food. #reverb10

Soul food.

What did you eat this year you will never forget? What went into your mouth & touched your soul?

Finally scoring some local grass fed beef. This “touched” me on several levels. Personally having an intimate connection to what I eat was huge. Knowing the source, standing on the very grass that fed the cow I consumed. Profoundly knocks you awake. Firmly roots your location in the “grand scheme of things.”

We’ve grown separate from the earthly cycles. Our digital bubbles so clinical. That contact with flesh is powerful and becoming forgotten.

Fall Off the Wagon Gracefully

Holidays. Sprinkles and flour are all over our house to be ready for the visitors. It’s wearing on my willpower. To combat the sugar insurgents I figured I’d make a run on a candy I could eat without violating the paleo/primal way. I’ve seen this and decided to try a variant out. I give you my take on Almond Joy (yes they look like poop).

You’ll need a 2 bags of unsweetened coconut flakes.

A bag of almond slivers, whole almonds will work but slivers are more fancy, it IS the holidays. People like fancy.

 

Dates.

Some coconut oil.

Chocolate Almond Bark. Due to short notice this is the least paleo/primal bit but there isn’t a ton in it and so what, chocolate is OK you dogma riders.

 

In a bowl place your coconut, almonds, dates, melted oil. Toss.

Melt the “almond bark” in the microwave, Grok used the sun. They are both radiation. Add a little to the mix and toss.

Add a little more, we are adding until we can stick all this together. Chocolate glue. Once you get the right “feel” roll it up into balls, if you have a tool fine. I used my hands.

They turned out pretty good if I do say so myself. I know I can get this closer to 90% with better planning. Enjoy

Meatloaf Smeatloaf Double Beatloaf

At last. I have scored a source for local grass fed beef and pastured chickens. I can get serious about gaining a primal level now. Level 10 Primal Thetan here I come.

For my first cooking session I decided to do a meatloaf. It’s an easy tasty recipe and should serve up nicely with my grass fed ground beef.

You’ll need a pound of grass fed ground beef, a couple of eggs, some almond flower, and whatever seasoning you like. We used some Cavenders and minced garlic. A metal bowl is handy as well along with some foil and glass loaf pan. I’m sure a metal pan will work fine.

In a bowl place your meat.

Add 2 eggs, I’d say these are optional but mom did it so you should too.

Next up, the almond meal and seasonings. I used a handful of almond meal and eyeballed the rest as any man would do.

Get in there with your hands and mix it.

Place the meat in a foil lined dish in the fashion of a loaf.

Put the dish in the stove at 375 degrees for around 45 minutes. For the last 15 I put some onion rings on top.

Of course the traditional topping is ketchup, I opted to use it as a condiment and keep it on the side.

Enjoy.